Tips On Encouraging Your Spouse To Change For The Better




Marriage is so beautiful and sweet that it’s a total bummer to hear about couples who go after each other’s neck in front of a judge during divorce proceedings. Gone are the precious moments together, the times when they just separate to attend to the call of nature or go to work. All that’s left is dissatisfaction, anger, and quite often, a sense of betrayal.

What gives, you may ask? Well, partners are aware from the get-go that they have differences. It just becomes a hindrance to their mutual happiness when the spouse cannot cut out habits that may damage the relationship, e.g., smoking, drinking, gambling, procrastinating, etc. It can also be problematic if your partner is depressed. According to Deborah Serani, Psy.D, “Depression often distorts thinking, making a once-confident person feel insecure, negative and self-loathing.”

If you’re going through this dilemma, you can get the help of a marriage counselor to mend the issues, for sure. The problem is, one can only do so much to guide you both. In the long run, you – the significant other – need to do the encouraging the most so that they’ll want to change for the better.

Below are some insightful tips on how you can succeed in this task.




  1. Know Their Thoughts

You can’t get anywhere if, in the first place, you are not truly familiar with what causes them to act worryingly. Hence, asking questions should be your initial goal. Just try to do it in a calm, non-judgmental tone so that your better half won’t think twice about opening up to you.


  1. Unplug From The Internet When Together

Being a techy person is only useful when you’re finishing a project, or you want to look for a recipe. After that, you should stay offline and concentrate on your spouse. There are a lot of activities you can do without the internet that can strengthen your relationship, such as playing board games, cooking, and dancing the horizontal tango. The more quality time you spend with each other, the more reasons he or she will have to improve their mindset.


  1. Offer A Hug Often

One may assume that sex is the most intimate thing for a couple, yet nothing beats a warm hug every day. Staying enveloped in your partner’s arms for a full minute, even if you don’t speak, can transmit positive emotions toward their heart. He or she may then want to make progress in his or her life for the benefit of your marriage.


  1. Compliment Achievements

Rather than acting like a drill sergeant, you need to be your spouse’s cheerleader. They will get extra motivation once they hear from you that they are doing well. Despite that, don’t overpraise them because they might think there’s no more room for improvement.




  1. Recall Great, Old Stories

When things are getting blue between you two, pull out any memento you’ve kept since you started dating until now that you’re married. Inspect them together and remember the happy memories you’ve made over the years. It may not take long before the spouse says, “What happened to us?” Then, you will ideally talk about your indifference and work on fixing it by yourselves. Yana Dubinsky, Psy.D said “When a couple stands in front of friends and family on their wedding day, they promise to love each other ‘til death do us part.’ If love were a feeling, how can we make a promise about how we will feel in 20, 30, 50 years?”


You may also need to consider going to therapy. According to Joanne Ketch, LPC, LMFT, “Marriage and family therapists provide solution- and goal-oriented counseling.”