According to Judy Herman, LPC-MHSP, “One thing you must know about marital growth is this. There’s a difference between closeness and intimacy.”
Being married to someone you love is already a fulfillment, but it doesn’t mean that you have to stop learning things together. Your marriage is the source of your happiness, so it also needs to be the factor that supports your personal growth in life. So how can you say that your marriage makes you complete? Here are the things that you need to know.
Learn How To Communicate
Though communication is always an important factor in a relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you always have to talk to each other. Sometimes, it is the idea of knowing when your partner needs space. It is when you put in mind that gesture and physical touch are also a form of communication. As long as you understand each other’s needs, then you know that you have that strong connection that doesn’t require talking.
Go On Dates
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you should stop having fun together. The truth is that married life requires more adventure compared to the dating stage because it helps in strengthening the bond that’s already there. When both of you decide to try different things, it will develop your sense of appreciation towards each other. Moreover, it will allow you to discover new things about your partner along the way.
Stick Up For Each Other
Everything about your relationship comes from both your contributions. You don’t make decisions alone and work on marital issues separately. Your marriage makes you a team, so you’ve got to act like it. You need to value each other’s role in keeping your relationship. Don’t try to pull each other down especially in front of others and always make sure that you have each other’s back through thick and thin.
Learn To Apologize
Say it as you mean it when you’re apologizing. Disregard your pride and ask for forgiveness because there are no shortcuts in attaining peace in a relationship. Both of you should realize that accepting your mistakes is the only way towards understanding and apologizing is an essential factor for forgiveness. However, you must remember that apologizing is not enough, so you still need to work on things that help the situation to become better.
Don’t Hold Grudges
When you try to forgive your spouse, don’t ever hold grudges. Don’t look at their mistakes as a tool that you can use against them only to win an argument. You need to forgive and immediately forget everything to avoid a bitter relationship. From there, you can work on your perspective and manage your differences accordingly.
Showing your love towards your spouse doesn’t always have to be a physical connection. There will be that one thing that can make you understand each other’s affection. Try to figure out a love-language that you can use to ideally tell each other how much he or she contributes to your life. A small gesture such as flying kiss, wink, and love letters are somehow practical ways.
Be hopeful at all times. Joanne Ketch, LPC, LMFT said “Families can be a rich source of love, support, and motivation.”
Don’t Change Your Spouse
The only reason why you shouldn’t change your spouse is that you can never do it. Changing someone else is impossible. The only thing you can do is value your partner’s personality and understand him or her in every way. You need to accept all his or her imperfections and encourage positive adjustments.
Avoid Focusing On Too Much Happiness
Happiness is something you and your spouse should aim in a relationship. However, focusing too much on wanting a perfect marriage is toxic. You need to consider acknowledging the fact that your happiness comes from learning to put one’s needs above yours. It’s the only way that you can understand what real satisfaction is all about.
Your marriage is essential in your personal growth. Therefore, when you understand that your connection requires effort to make it work, then you’ll never question the kind of relationship you have.
Did you know? According to Jeffrey Kaplan, MA, LMFT, “Therapists who are licensed in their state to do couples therapeutic work must follow a canon of ethics that is strictly laid out as a part of their licensure.” This is one of the considerations that you must look into if you decide to seek professional help.