As an individual, you have these unique characteristics that best describe you as a person and most of the times you are aware of what your personality says about you. However, we’re expected to make efforts in all kinds of areas to improve ourselves not just for the things that we can offer others but also for our development.
In psychiatry, they often talk about a person’s mental illness that affects the emotional status and psychological function. They frequently use method and approach in dealing with an individual’s daily stressors and work on ways to help them cope up with anxiety and depression. We know that psychiatry can contribute a lot to our personal growth. However, are we confident that we are fully informed about the psychology of personal development? How do you think it affects us?
Counseling based adventure is a type of counseling therapy which involves various experiential activities in the form of traveling or adventure. Most of these activities are done outdoors which may include camping, hiking, rock climbing, mountain trekking, sailing, and other cooperative activities. The exercises will benefit the participants in various ways. It will help them to explore their personal matters in a safe and encouraging environment with the help of mental health experts.
Marriage is so beautiful and sweet that it’s a total bummer to hear about couples who go after each other’s neck in front of a judge during divorce proceedings. Gone are the precious moments together, the times when they just separate to attend to the call of nature or go to work. All that’s left is dissatisfaction, anger, and quite often, a sense of betrayal.
What gives, you may ask? Well, partners are aware from the get-go that they have differences. It just becomes a hindrance to their mutual happiness when the spouse cannot cut out habits that may damage the relationship, e.g., smoking, drinking, gambling, procrastinating, etc. It can also be problematic if your partner is depressed. According to Deborah Serani, Psy.D, “Depression often distorts thinking, making a once-confident person feel insecure, negative and self-loathing.”
If you’re going through this dilemma, you can get the help of a marriage counselor to mend the issues, for sure. The problem is, one can only do so much to guide you both. In the long run, you – the significant other – need to do the encouraging the most so that they’ll want to change for the better.
Below are some insightful tips on how you can succeed in this task.
- Know Their Thoughts
You can’t get anywhere if, in the first place, you are not truly familiar with what causes them to act worryingly. Hence, asking questions should be your initial goal. Just try to do it in a calm, non-judgmental tone so that your better half won’t think twice about opening up to you.
- Unplug From The Internet When Together
Being a techy person is only useful when you’re finishing a project, or you want to look for a recipe. After that, you should stay offline and concentrate on your spouse. There are a lot of activities you can do without the internet that can strengthen your relationship, such as playing board games, cooking, and dancing the horizontal tango. The more quality time you spend with each other, the more reasons he or she will have to improve their mindset.
- Offer A Hug Often
One may assume that sex is the most intimate thing for a couple, yet nothing beats a warm hug every day. Staying enveloped in your partner’s arms for a full minute, even if you don’t speak, can transmit positive emotions toward their heart. He or she may then want to make progress in his or her life for the benefit of your marriage.
- Compliment Achievements
Rather than acting like a drill sergeant, you need to be your spouse’s cheerleader. They will get extra motivation once they hear from you that they are doing well. Despite that, don’t overpraise them because they might think there’s no more room for improvement.
- Recall Great, Old Stories
When things are getting blue between you two, pull out any memento you’ve kept since you started dating until now that you’re married. Inspect them together and remember the happy memories you’ve made over the years. It may not take long before the spouse says, “What happened to us?” Then, you will ideally talk about your indifference and work on fixing it by yourselves. Yana Dubinsky, Psy.D said “When a couple stands in front of friends and family on their wedding day, they promise to love each other ‘til death do us part.’ If love were a feeling, how can we make a promise about how we will feel in 20, 30, 50 years?”
You may also need to consider going to therapy. According to Joanne Ketch, LPC, LMFT, “Marriage and family therapists provide solution- and goal-oriented counseling.”
If you create a poll and let people choose whether they want to have a lasting beauty or memory, many of them may lean towards the latter option. It is a no-brainer since our skin will naturally sag – you only need to wait for a matter of time for gravity or collagen loss to make a move. Botox, facial lift, and other enhancement services have limitations too when it comes to helping you seem younger than your age.
On the other hand, having a sharp memory lets you accomplish more in comparison with someone who forgets things a lot. You can remember names, dates, or events even when you don’t have your planner. You get to recall the fantastic moments that occurred in your life and draw happiness from them decades later.
A common belief, however, is that your retention ability declines as the leaves of a calendar change. Although it happens, some octogenarians have a better recollection than the current millennials since the former individuals take care of their memory. If you want to find out how they do that, below are some points to remember.
The initial advice is to get rid of all the habits or objects that distract you from have a peace of mind. Otherwise, your thoughts will stay jumbled, and you may overlook ideas that are far more important than the rest, such as your parents’ birthdays, your wedding anniversary, etc.
Feel free to start with your work desk or house. Throw away or donate the items you don’t need so that there’s less disorder in your line of vision. Then, organize your schedule and let go of activities that don’t honestly make you happy.
- Exercise Physically And Mentally
Working out the body is as significant as working out the brain. The more cardiovascular exercises you do on a daily basis, the easier it can be to hold on to your memories for long. During your downtime, you can also solve puzzles, answer TV show quiz games, and pick up a new interest. Meditation is an excellent activity as well because it helps calm your senses and strengthen the mind.
“Moderate exercise has been shown to have a significant effect on anxiety and mood,” said Marla Deibler, PsyD.
You can also seek online counseling from platforms like BetterHelp to know which activity can help your well-being most.
- Meet People
In case you see seniors who rarely come to gatherings because they think they’re too old for socializing, it won’t be surprising if they develop memory loss. The reason is that constant interaction with both children and grownups allows the bolts in your brain to keep on turning. They can share the latest trends and reminisce about the past with you too, respectively, so that your thoughts will always be intact. According to Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, “Whenever we are trying to break a habit we will feel down at first. We’re getting uncomfortable and our brains are being rewired.”
- Stay Sober
Your head remains clutter-free when you don’t drink, smoke, and do drugs altogether. The ingredients in all these substances can alter your brain function for the worse. Aside from most likely losing your money and performing dumb stunts that no sober person will ever try, they can short-circuit your memory and become a handicap to various aspects of life.
- Be Healthy
It isn’t just mothers who appear to have a weak recollection; even folks who take a lot of medication to regulate their diseases also experience it. To avoid that, you should then take care of your body and stick to a healthy diet. Stop harboring stress too – that can make you forgetful before you hit the50s or 60s.
Always remember to avoid stress at all times, unless it is eustress. According to Dr. Kara Fasone, PSYD, “Eustress is all about sufficiently challenging yourself without expending all your resources. This type of stress empowers you to grow.”
According to Colleen Mullen, PsyD, “People can’t think their way out of depression. Depression has nothing to do with having bad days or not having enough good things in one’s life.”
A lot of incidences can bring your mood down and prevent you from reaching new heights these days. Jam-packed traffic is one of them, especially if that’s what’s greeting you day and night. Annoying colleagues who think they know better than you can be a part of that list too, for sure. And on top of all that, there’s your name in big, bold letters.
The latter should make some sense because we tend to critique ourselves too hard, assuming it’s impossible to push past our limits. Therefore, the outcome is rarely favorable for you, your career, and various aspects of your life.
In case you wish to lessen the judging, just try to become the ultimate cheerleader for yourself. The steps aren’t always challenging, you know. Here are the ways to develop this character.
- Stop Waiting For Luck Or Others’ Affirmation
As a person living a mundane life. You need to remember to do things for yourself. It isn’t wise to wait for people to utter how wonderful your work is or compliment your physical changes. Similarly, you can’t leave your fate to something as fickle as luck to feel happy.
- Appreciate All Facets Of Yourself
How boring your days will be if you can only see your beautiful side. Although it’s true that noticing the goodness in you is an essential recipe for a non-fluctuating confidence level, pay attention also to your not-so-great sides, such as clumsiness, forgetfulness, etc. This way, you’re aware of the facets that require an extra boost to improve.
Deborah Serani, PSYD said “The experience of depression is one where you feel things intensely, so talking in the first person, using me, I, myself, is a common experience.”
- Stay Down To Earth
An excellent cheerleader cheers himself or herself up, but never will you bring others down. The trait has much to do with your humility. Watching your peers fail as you succeed doesn’t make you want to sneer at them. Deep inside, you know that the world is round, and you may instantly be in their position once karma strikes.
- Retreat To Your Comfort Zone Anytime
In case things seem bleak in your life, don’t hesitate to return to your comfort zone. That can mean your childhood home, the apartment you now have, or even a workshop where you often hang out. It is – and will forever be – the place where you feel safe to let all your emotions go and just be yourself. By the time you’re ready to step back to reality, do it with a calm heart and a huge grin on your face.
- Never Put Yourself Down
A common mistake of successful folks when people praise their work is saying, “Oh, I didn’t do much. I’m merely lucky to be there.” The logic behind the reaction is that they don’t wish to sound arrogant, which is noteworthy. However, you genuinely did something unusual with your time and effort, so try not to downsize your achievements. That’s among the ways to become the ultimate cheerleader for yourself, FYI.
- Do What You Say
Finally, telling your reflection in the mirror that you’ll do better in general today isn’t enough to liven up your spirit. You should complement your words with actions so that you’ll see improvement sooner than later.
Take note of these words from Ron Siegel, PsyD.: “Why do I dwell always expecting fear and dread? What if I subdue that fear and dread, keeping the same posture that I’m in when it comes upon me? While I walked, the fear and dread came upon me. I neither stood, nor sat, nor lay down until I had subdued that fear and dread.”
Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT said ” A complex practice of gratitude, affirmations and confidence-boosting can lift one’s mood and clear one’s mind-—over weeks of concentrated repetition.”
Isn’t it disturbing to see on social media or hear directly from same-aged friends that they’re accomplishing way more than you do?
Ideally, you left school and got a job at the same time. Your academic grades may not be too far off from one another as well. So, how was it possible for them to excel at a faster pace of life in comparison with you?
It is a curious scenario indeed, considering they didn’t gain or ask for favors along the way. What successful people have in common, though, is sheer courage to live life to the max. They seek doors of opportunity themselves instead of waiting for one to open. While the risks are undoubtedly real, these folks try their best to make the most out of their time while they still can.
Read the rules below on how you can have the same experience.
- Fear Less
Being scared of something or someone is the ultimate attitude that can hinder you from accomplishing your goals. Does it matter if you don’t have an original background to a task or activity your friends or bosses want you to fulfill? It will help, yes, but you won’t know whether it’s doable for you or not in case you don’t try it for the first time. For this reason, abandon your fears and leap to exciting endeavors.
- Pave Your Path
Having a similar skillset to most inhabitants of the planet will increase the difficulty of finding a career that fits your preferences. You may choose to wait – that’s your prerogative – yet it’s best to create your track toward success. At least, owners of various business empires like Apple and Facebook did that, and you can guess how many wins they gain financial-wise regularly.
Ron Siegel, PsyD suggests “Start by bringing attention to some sensation in the body – perhaps the breath or another object of attention.”
- Avoid Stressful Relationships
The sole connections worth fighting for are the ones wherein the other individual fights for you too. In case all you get from the relationship is sorrow, shame, and pain – mentally and physically – then it’s favorable to snip off your ties entirely. You can build new links whenever you please, but don’t ever settle in relationships that don’t make you feel alive.
- Hate No One
Hating someone is too effortless, especially if others are egging you on or the person you despise keeps on doing what you told him or her not to do. Regardless of that, the dark emotion is like a metal chain that stops you from moving forward. Set your hatred free, therefore, and have a blissful life.
According to Brenda Fahn, M.A., LMFT, “Let the best part of you show up (happy, confident, joyful, interesting, healthy.)”
- Become A Child-At-Heart
Why do you think kids appear to have the most fun out of any situation? It isn’t a mere act; it’s because they don’t take problems as grave as most adults do. Grownups like you should take note of such a fact so that anger or disappointment cannot ever block your source of happiness.
- Stay Realistic
The final rule to live your life to the max is to have realistic expectations and thoughts. That is particularly true when it comes to taking care of your career and family. Never assume that both will always be in perfect equilibrium because so many factors can affect that balance. And considering things become a bit askew, just resolve the issues practically.
Got all the mental boost you need? Cool. Now, go and live the life you want to have. Good luck!
When you lose a bet, a competition, or any other relevant event in your life, what are the first emotions that surge through your body?
Sadness may be the most obvious one, without a doubt. After investing your effort, time, or even money on an activity, knowing that you can’t take home a win may easily dampen your mood. Anger may come into the picture too, especially if it’s something you ultimately want.
What many losers feel but don’t always voice out, nonetheless, is their disappointment in themselves. “Why didn’t I hold on a few seconds more?” “Why can’t I have stronger stamina than them?” Well, you know the answers to these whys, for sure, so avoid thinking too hard about the loss.
Besides, if we’re truthful here, you should never be sorry about being a loser due to the following reasons:
- Learning Patience Isn’t Tricky
The first lesson that losing serves to people is the value of patience. It is significant since you can’t expect everything to fall into place merely because you said so. The probability of you meeting ups and downs in life is as massive as the population count across the globe.
Imagine, in case you’re often on a winning streak, and then you suddenly hit a slump, you may not know how to deal with it. Worse, your decisions may become rash and end up with irreversible consequences. Assuming you experienced a loss already, though, you understand that there’s always a next time to do your best if you just wait.
According to Rebecca Burton, LMFT, “Talking through your own personal obstacles to patience can be helpful.”
- You Don’t Go Looking For Affirmation
Being a loser may change your perception as well regarding affirmations. A lot of mentors may not show it publicly, yet they evidently throw more praises to winners than everybody else. Despite that, you can’t take this behavior against them. The latter most likely did what the former coached; that’s why victory came easy.
Nevertheless, knowing that compliments are hard to get when you’re on the losing side may make you stop wanting them in the long run. That is ideal, of course, because mentally healthy folks don’t need to hear affirmation from others to realize their worth. Even if you win, for instance, you can appreciate your hard work and do better for yourself, not for the external cheers.
According to Tad Lusk, LPC, “Overly wordy affirmations might just confuse you, so choose an affirmation you can memorize and state easily.”
- It Lets You Filter Your Friendship List
When a wise person tells you that real friends come during the bleakest scenarios, believe him or her. Though you may have many supporters behind you as you continue bringing home the bacon, take another look back after a slip-up to find out how many of them didn’t leave your side. It will be lovely in case they’re all still there, but we all know that’s not how reality works.
Once you experience it, the last thing you should do is become eternally sad. Instead, you should rejoice since those individuals didn’t make it difficult for you to detect who truly treasures your friendship.
Destiny “Desi” Teague, MS, LPC said “Friendships are somewhat easy during childhood and adolescents, as you are surrounded by people your age for 8+ hours a day, during school mostly; there is bound to be simple commonalities found between yourself and others.”
- You Become Fearless
Losing is perhaps among the worst circumstances in someone’s life. You may feel so much negativity at once, to the extent that you barely notice the beauty of things. But being able to get back on your feet after hitting rock-bottom means that you no longer have anything to fear. You’ll work towards your goals no matter what, and another failure won’t crumple your motivation.
Hopefully, it’s clear now why you should never be sorry about being a loser.
As you grow older, you will start to realize that life is what you make out of it. You will begin to see that what truly matters is not the number of persons that you have in your life but the quality of their personality or attitude. The more you age, the more you realize that you do not want any form of stress in your life. You will think that you deserve nothing but the best relationships and partnerships. Because of this, it is imperative on your part to learn how to choose your friends while you are young.
Before anything else, you need to understand that having several friends is not the measurement of how good you are as a person. As such, do not pressure yourself too much in meeting lots of individuals and making them part of your life. Remind yourself that after all, at the end of the day, only those who are kind and amazing must remain in your life. Avoid cultivating friendships or relationships that are not worth it.
Follow the steps or tricks mentioned below so that you can start choosing the right set of friends:
Do Not Be Judgmental
As much as possible, avoid giving judgments or comments about people, especially if you are not yet sure of who they are. The best or ideal thing to do is to find time to learn each person’s story before you say your piece about him. Take note that you do not know everything. It is best to keep your mouth shut if you do not have anything nice to say to the other person. Aside from this, you must instill in your mind that first impressions do not always last.
Get To Know People
Another thing that you should never forget is to give yourself a chance to get to know other people first before you say something to them or decide that they must not stay in your life. Keep in mind that you are not perfect. As such, you also have your own imperfections, which is why you have to give others a chance also to present themselves in a different way. If you think that a person is not pleasant, make sure to see it for yourself first before you avoid that person.
Stop Forcing Friendships
One of the crucial and vital things that you must always remember is the importance of not forcing any form of relationship. Take note that you are a fantastic individual, which means that you do not need to force your presence into another person’s life. Once you realize that the other person is not as great as who he tries to present to the public, do not hesitate to walk away from that individual. Sometimes, you have to be strong enough to let go of the friendships that are not worth it. Remind yourself that you do not need to make friends with those who have a bad influence over you. You deserve better, which is why you must never allow anything or anyone make you feel bad.
Choose your friends wisely at all times. Here are some of the best quotes or statements from therapists and counselors about friendships:
- “If you’re using social media for personal reasons—to stay in touch with friends and family, for example, create an alternate or private profile that only friends and family know.” – John Gavazzi, PsyD
- “Friends have conversations, share personal information with each other and problem solve in a social or caring way.” – Deborah Serani, PsyD
- “What stage do you find yourself in right now? With plenty or friends or pleading to find the one friend that will give you their lending ear?” – Destiny “Desi” Teague, MS, LPC
When you speak of abuse with a mental health professional, they can tell you off the bat that the violence took place because the oppressor has psychological issues. It may be due to drugs, alcohol, jealousy, or exploitation that they experienced themselves as kids. The latter, however, can be one of the reasons why the abused continues to receive the violence too.
While it is undoubtedly a sensitive issue, there’s no better example of what can happen if the parents fail to shape up their babies’ character well than the one above. They won’t know what’s right or wrong, so they’re likely to commit grave mistakes and settle with erroneous decisions.
Trivia: “Authoritarian parents hold the belief that a child should do what they say simply because they said it.” – Christina Furnival, LPCC
To prevent your offspring from going down a similar dark path, know how to raise them with great morals below.
- Choose What They Watch
Childrearing experts recommend letting kids only watch age-appropriate movies and TV shows. That’s because the youngsters tend to copy whatever they often see, especially if they have no concept of good or evil yet.
You can make sure of that by playing videos that teach values to children all the time. In case they need to use the internet already for schoolwork, ascertain that they just turn on the computer when you or another adult is around to supervise them.
- Honor Their Questions About Morality
As the kids grow, it’s highly probable that they’ll throw inquiries regarding morals at you. “Why can’t I eat my friend’s food without asking first?” “Why should I share my toys with my siblings?”
If such questions come up, it’s vital to explain the reason to them openly. It isn’t alright to ignore the matter because they’re at an age wherein they need to hear something to understand something. Feel free to ask queries like “How would you feel if they take away your apples or your brother or sister won’t let you borrow their favorite toy?” to promote self-direction too.
Tip from Kathy Hardie-Williams, MEd, MS, NCC, LPC, LMFT: “Instead of outright lying, share stories of longstanding traditions and cultural heritage.”
- Never Make Them Feel Inferior
Being confident is among the morals that your children should also learn. It will enable them to gain new experiences and remain positive in life even in the face of obstacles.
Their self-esteem won’t deplete if you stay supportive of whatever they do. Rather than yelling when the youngsters create a disaster, talk to them as calmly as possible until they realize their wrongdoing. Cheer them on too for every challenge they tackle, regardless of how simple it may be.
According to Kyle S. King, LMFT, LCPC, “Parents are human beings, and as such we have a limited set of emotional reserves and resources, which can quickly become taxed by a raging or withdrawn teen.”
- Show Your Love Always
Assuming that acting rough around them will toughen the children up isn’t OK since that will merely make them do what you say out of fear. There are a thousand ways to encourage your kids to become great citizens, and showing your affection is on top of all that.
Once they feel your love, they will surely know how to offer love to others as well. Hence, they can also sympathize with anyone and form lasting relationships as they mature.
Raising children with high morals allows you to set them up for success. When they know what honesty, empathy, and responsibility look like from the start, that immediately lowers their chances of committing misconducts or violence in the future.