A Survival Guide (Emotional) For Single Moms

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Solutions From Women Who Experienced It

Have you ever tried going to a party with the dilemma of which bag to use? You can’t fit everything that you might need in a small purse, and bringing a tote or shoulder bag seems a bit off. You can’t leave your lip tint, your powder, a small bottle of perfume or a wallet with a few IDs and some cash, and not to mention your over-the-top phone plus your keys. So you chose to use a bigger bag instead despite the shabby look. You care less if you just broke a fashion protocol as long as it has everything you need and it gives you contentment and ease. The same goes for single mothers, who are confronted with the same issues every single day – if only they could also fit an online therapist inside their bags, they would! And just when you thought things could get more complicated, there are a few tips on a single mother can keep her sanity.

No One To Turn To

Have you tried having a really bad day that you just want to give up and wished you have someone you can pass your role into? It can be very frustrating and sometimes, breaks you down, that you could only hope for the better.

Single mom solutions:

It is beneficial that you keep everything in check. Create a routine if you could and stick with that. Whenever there are changes or unplanned tasks, then it should not overwhelm you too much.  It is also better to pause for a while when being confronted with situations that involve your child’s behavior. Venting out anger on them is not a good idea and might come off worst.

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Single mothers knew the struggle of having to doubt themselves and their capacity to raise their children, the perfect way possible. The thing is, there is no “perfect parent” or a “perfect mother” or even that “perfect way” you’re looking for. Parenting can be very challenging, and it doesn’t come in with a manual. Yes, there are books or articles that you can find about great parenting and better ways on how to do it, and yet it just wasn’t enough.

Single mom solutions:

“Take the good ones, leave the unnecessary” – always remember to trust your motherly instincts. Sometimes what works for others doesn’t work for you. The key to it is still looking at your child in perspective as to what kind of person you would want them to be. This will be your guide and inspiration to better parenting, and everything will come out naturally.

Making Decisions On Your Own

Unlike the typical family, single mothers see this as an opportunity instead of a disadvantage. There might be instances when decision making can be tough, but at the end of the day, you can only take responsibility of your actions since you don’t have anyone to blame or to argue with.

Single mom solutions:

Always put your child a priority. Think of the pros and cons of that decision and how it will affect them. This is where your communication comes in. You need to involve your child. This not only builds their confidence and trust but helps them be responsible for their actions too.

Missing The Kids When They Are Not Around

While single moms could use a little time to pamper themselves alone, it still hard to battle anxiety and loneliness. Everything is different when your child isn’t around. It’s like a piece of you has been taken out, and it doesn’t feel right.

Single mom solutions:

Maintaining positive thoughts and communication helps a lot. While away, you could use those spare time doing things that you seldom do for yourself, like going to a spa, binge on a movie or probably hang out with your friends. You could also use some of the time to prepare another activity once they’re back and encourage them to share everything that happens when they were with the other parent. This helps you keep them in check too.

Money Challenges

Issues with money can be very overwhelming. It will take the life out of someone, and this is not new to single moms. Whether or not there is child support, your financial capacity is always confronted when it comes to providing the needs of your child. Every parent wants what’s best for their children that often, you confused the needs between wants.

Single mom solutions:

Always prioritize the needs. This is when tough decision making comes in. You have to be frugal for those things that deemed unnecessary and invest more in health and safety. In times that you are confronted with difficulties, take a break. Get some quiet time, go out for a walk to think or take a long shower. Always keep in mind that you should be as strong as the head of the family.

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This became a dilemma having to choose an option without too much choice. Most often than not, single mothers were not raised by solo parents. Some have an ideal, if not a great family to start with. You might feel responsible and guilty, that you failed to give your child the family they deserve. And then you begin to doubt yourself if you will ever be a great mother as you even failed to do a simple task of keeping your family together.

Single mom solutions:

Keeping it real for idealists is harder than you could’ve ever imagined. Whenever you felt guilty, always look back to the reason why you’ve made a tough choice. Yes, it might have hurt your feelings and ego or your child feelings too, but you have to understand that you did what you have to do to salvage what is left from your little family and start nurturing it from there. There is only one way, and that is to move forward, not go back.

Losing Your Sense Of Self

Being a single mother twenty-four seven could take the best out of you and sometimes, the worst. After all the days’ chores that will sometimes extend at night, you don’t even remember when the last time you did something for yourself was.

Single mom solutions:

While multi-tasking seemed natural, as a single mom, some things go out of hand and beyond schedule. Make it a habit to have at least an hour work out every day or a five hour pamper time every week. This will light up your mood, makes you feel good about yourself and get you ready in another week of hustling your fantastic life with your child.

In the end, what matters most is your child’s upbringing. There are far more than those into being a good mother that you will ever be. How you do it, whether it’s your creativity or your ability to multi-task, were all just a tip of the iceberg. One thing is sure; unconditional love drove you to do things incomparable to anyone else.

If you are suffering from stress and anxiety because of parenting, remember these words from therapists:

  • “Be active regularly – being active also helps your body more easily fight stress because it is fit.” – Amy Lukowski, PsyD
  • “This ‘good stress’ called ‘eustress’ can help propel you forward and motivate you to achieve goals.” – Aarti Gupta, PsyD
  • “”Purging unused items gives a sense of order to your physical environment, which helps you feel calmer about your stressors.” – Lauren Napolitano, PsyD